When words are few(er)

Numbers are not my forte, but I found that out the hard way. I was persuaded to take A-level maths, which spoiled my sixth form experience, and receiving my grade E wasn't the best moment of my life. Thankfully my other grades were sufficient to secure my place on a nursing course (and I've always managed to master medicines calculations!)

A sudoku can tie my brain in knots, but I relish a good word puzzle. Those that are only published once a day are good for me, as otherwise I could be quite distracted by playing them. Words can be fun. For the past seven and a half years, considering the meaning of particular words and their knock-on effect has become one of the delights of studying, and more recently teaching, Christian theology.

A fourth century debate about how God the Son relates to God the Father involved differing interpretations of the word, "begotten" (John 3:16). If it means that Jesus was created, then essentially we don't have a divine Saviour. . . and, like a pattern of standing dominoes, down go a whole load of core Christian doctrines (teachings). A key word, with which this disastrous error was refuted, has literally just one iota (a tiny Greek letter) different from another word with hugely contrasting implications. (If you're curious, you can look up homoousios.) Words, and sometimes even mere letters, can really matter.

As an expressive person, words particularly help me to connect with others and with God. I find it so helpful to chew things over in conversation with trusted friends. I also love prayer journalling—opening my heart to God through writing. It helps me to slow down and intentionally listen to the Holy Spirit instead of doing all the talking. Sometimes a page with less words represents more depth than can be articulated.

We've probably all had conversations from which we've come away wondering what someone really said. Words piled upon words can sometimes reduce their overall effectiveness, or demonstrate less understanding or confidence than a person wants us to perceive. Words can become too many.

There's always a lot of processing going on in my head and heart, but I've learned (actually only in the last few years) that to not express something doesn't diminish its significance. Sometimes I start writing on here and eventually delete it without posting. Many of my ruminations would be too boring by far, and some of them are too sensitive to splat on the internet. Often, though, life brings joy, pain, struggle, awe—or a mysterious blend of these—such that my words can only be few(er).⬦

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