A Steadfast Heart

Our two sons are very different characters, and this is demonstrated in how they tend to respond to challenges or setbacks. For one, the default is to react externally, verbalising his feelings and fighting whatever injustice he perceives. As a young child, this led to pretty fierce outbursts, particularly when being corrected. The other generally expresses his frustrations relatively quietly, but if he's not getting his way, or feels something is going badly, he may want to withdraw rather than face failure or admit a mistake. As parents we want to celebrate rather than squash their personalities. Sometimes, though, each child needs guiding towards healthier ways to deal with challenges and conflict, and to help them learn to make more balanced responses.

Even as adults, I'm sure each of us has a selection of reactions that we're inclined to revert to when the pressure is on. For me, sometimes a deep sense of indignation rises up inside, making me want to rant about how I feel. At other times, and perhaps especially when expressing myself isn't possible or would seem futile, I experience a pretty overwhelming desire to quit. (This might help to explain what our boys sometimes exhibit!) In addition to such 'fight or flight' type responses, others may tend to 'freeze', becoming emotionally paralysed and relationally dysfunctional. Such feelings may be unavoidable, but what we do with them really matters.

One way of thinking about the Christian life is as being children of God. In this, it's important to distinguish between being child-like and being childish. There are, of course, times when we will need to fight injustice (often on someone else's behalf), or persevere through challenges, but spiritual maturity includes discerning when to let something go. Childish reactions result from a sense of needing to exercise control, even when that is thoroughly unrealistic. This leads to an inability to let a situation (or a person) be, when things are not as we think best. Being child-like, on the other hand, involves acknowledging our own limitations, and releasing ourselves—and all that we can't control—into God's all-capable hands. Such dependence is fully compatible with, and is even evidence of, maturity. Whilst this may actually demonstrate considerable strength, others may perceive weakness, which becomes part of what we are to entrust to God!

As a young person, my emotions and reactions varied quite a lot depending upon circumstances and my perceptions of them. Recognising this, I began to ask God for a steadfast heart. Over two decades later, whilst still desiring more, I do see something of the fruit of this prayer that has remained so earnest in me. I'm learning that intense feelings are not always avoidable—they often stem from deep and valid care and conviction—and that to have wobbles doesn't mean I'm still utterly childish. Instead, I'm becoming more able to face those moments, recognise how I'm inclined to react, and remain still enough for long enough to choose a more mature response.

The Holy Spirit provides the strength to choose well, but the choice of how to behave is still mine. I need a steadfast heart so that I won't lurch from emotional reaction to emotional reaction, whether leaning towards irrational fighting or wanting to escape. Instead, I want to be securely rooted in God, growing in maturity, and basing my decisions and responses—including when (and how) to 'fight' and when to let go—more and more upon the Holy Spirit's leading and training. I'm praying this for my own life and for my children too.⬦

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