Seeking Success?

Last Saturday, we celebrated my second graduation as a Theology student. Six years of study, including an undergraduate Diploma, have culminated in an MA with Distinction. With family and friends assembled, we graduands dressed in academic regalia and paraded into a grand hall to have our achievements publicly recognised. The ceremony wonderfully represented the dynamic combination found at Nazarene Theological College (NTC), of being a Christian community and upholding academic excellence. It was such a moment to thank God for leading and enabling me.

"Why, then", you might ask, "are you boasting about it in a blog post?" Well, I'm not looking for congratulations (I've had plenty)! I'm writing about it because both the experience of finding out my final grade, and of enjoying the celebrations, have helped me to see a couple of things more clearly, concerning what Western culture seems to say about success.

Firstly, there's a notion that success is a source of satisfaction and peace. I loved participating in the graduation, and had some deeply encouraging conversations that give me such hope for what I might work towards in future. However, even when interwoven with the love and support of family and friends, success isn't something that I can rely on to truly satisfy me, or to bring me peace. How we feel about ourselves even in light of particular successes is so vulnerable to change. At any moment—for example even when getting an excellent dissertation result—it's so easy to feel 'cut down to size' by critical evaluation, albeit appropriate and constructive. Plus, there's always more to be attained, which carries the risk of failure and fuels a tendency to comparison. So, whilst it's right and good to acknowledge hard work and be happy with the result, this isn't something to base our hope on or seek lasting peace in. Similarly, whilst disappointments may have implications for progressing in certain areas, these can't be allowed to undermine us. We need a much more reliable foundation.

Secondly, success is often expressed in terms of measurable goals and outcomes, as though these are inherent to its very meaning. It's true that passing an MA course, particularly with a distinction, is a success. Whilst achieving that was never a foregone conclusion, and took a huge amount of hard work, it was also dependent on having a level of academic ability, and the means—helped by student finance—to dedicate the time to study. Success, then, may have to do with how realistic the goal is. I've even heard it said that "smart people have S.M.A.R.T. goals" (specific, measurable, achievable, relevant, time-bound)*, but what does that suggest about so many aspects of life that can't be so neatly defined? Consider parenting, caring for family or friends, or something else that takes a long, steady perseverance. If we try to guage the success of these in terms of measurable outcomes, we can begin to make all sorts of unhelpful comparisons. These have potential to leave us feeling smug and superior, or pretty rubbish about how we (don't) measure up. 

Over the summer, when swamped in notes and feeling overwhelmed, there were moments when I was genuinely unsure whether I would get my dissertation submitted at all. I didn't want to let panic set in. Through this, what kept me going was the conviction that having led me to start studying in the first place, God has called me to begin teaching theology, which makes the MA necessary. Since I believe that whatever God is asking of me, God will make possible, I felt clear that my part was to keep putting in the work, trusting the Holy Spirit's enabling. In light of this, it could be said that the essence of success is in perseverence.

I'm convinced that followers of Jesus—and perhaps especially those in pastoral ministry—would do well to understand success far less in terms of defined goals, and far more as faithfulness to God's (general and specific) call. Personally, I have a deep sense of call to love well, and I believe that genuine, costly love can be so significant to the transforming work that God wants to do, both in others, and in my own heart and life. Persevering love often isn't widely visible, and can even be hugely misjudged when relationships deteriorate and we choose not to safeguard our own credibility by telling our side of the story. Faithfulness simply isn't measured by its 'results'.

At the graduation, it was wonderful to see and speak with so many who inspire and encourage me. It has helped to fan the flame of desire to do a PhD—another specific, measurable goal that I'm increasingly seeing as a particular call on my life. I'm not, then, saying that such pursuits have no place. However, my security, value, and identity as a person is anchored not in various forms of success, but in the incredible love of God for us, made especially and uniquely visible in the self-giving of Christ Jesus. I'm convinced that the only logical, fitting response to that is to put my all into God's hands. As I continually do so, discerning step by step what that means for my life, I trust that the God who calls will equip. My heart's desire in these days is that I might prove faithful, even and especially in those ways that can't be measured and perhaps few are waiting to applaud.⬦

* E.g. as defined at https://www.mindtools.com/a4wo118/smart-goals

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