Landing and Standing

What is your 'bottom line?' What's the principle that you return to in challenging circumstances, the foundation you build upon, or your landing place when knocked back?

In the last few days I've been pondering faith and strength. Some people present as very confident and self-assured, even—in my view—too much so. Some make statements that deny or invalidate concern, difficulty, pain, or need. Others appear unwilling to acknowledge disappointment, mistakes, inadequacy, or challenging wisdom (hmm, I've done that). I guess this can give the appearance of strength, but I don't buy it.

In the past, I know some have thought of me as 'having it all together,' and even as 'scary' (oh dear). More recently I've been likened to a swan: serene above the surface but paddling like mad underneath! A growing number have seen me more closely resembling a bedraggled hen. There's no intention to ever be fake, though, and one thing that really matters to me is willingness to be vulnerable with others.

These blog posts might reveal weaknesses of mine that wouldn't otherwise be widely known. Comments (including questioning and constructive ones) are very welcome, because I appreciate conversation and because otherwise I have no idea who is reading it. I guess that's the reader's prerogative!

Although I'd rather not set resolutions (to stuff up!), the beginning of a new year can be a good opportunity to reflect and intentionally focus. Looking back over 2020 and longer, I see—through both incredible privileges and a great deal of pain and struggle—that God uses each circumstance to answer some of my most persistent (and dangerous) prayers.

One such prayer is for an increasingly steadfast heart. I don't want to be knocked off course by circumstances. A couple of years ago I wrote a morning prayer that includes the phrase, "enlarge my vision of You, grow my trust in You, and enable me to stand firm in You..." The answer is cultivated rather than instantly downloaded, but I want(ed) to be stronger.

An extract from my journal on 30/12/20 sums up something of what I am learning and being challenged by at present:

I've had a fresh revelation, over the last couple of days, of God's amazing grace. . . The re-confirmation that divine grace and extravagant love are the entire basis for my confidence, joy, life and freedom.

 

In darker moments, reacting to circumstances and spiralling concerns, I land on that bottom line that quiets all my indignant questions. It doesn't actively answer them all, but they are stilled before the awesome reality of a good and powerful—yes, all, powerful—God. . . Whether weeping with tiredness and discouragement, or raging at perceived futility in moments of irrationality, the mystery that is divine sovereignty, reality way beyond me, remains steadfast and strong enough for all of my angst. IF I will surrender it.

 

My prayer, then, in these days, is that I will come to that bottom line by a different route. I will always land there—I won't really, continually assert my puny self against those things that I was not designed to adjudicate—but I long to have my feet more firmly planted there. With that foundation, I am no longer puny at all. In my weakness, there God in His goodness, is strong. So strong.

 

I could do to get back into the habit of using that morning prayer. I see now, perhaps more clearly than ever before, that real strength cannot be accomplished or earned, grasped or asserted. Such things are too easily used to comfort, justify or elevate ourselves, and to diminish others. What we clutch for becomes vapour, but when instead we submit to God's intention for us, living (present continuous) in practised dependence upon the One who made us... the powers of darkness better tremble.

 

Almighty God,

Thank You for another day to depend on You.

Please teach me Your ways today.

Renew my heart, that I might give Your words,

and Your grace, to others.

Enlarge my vision of You,

grow my trust in You,

and enable me to stand firm in You.

You are my Source and my Prize.

 

Amen.⬦

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