Why I won't deceive our kids
(Photo from August 2019)
We've
all had that feeling, when you suspect that someone made a mistake with your
luggage/appointment/purchase, but you're given a woolly explanation. It leaves
you feeling fobbed off, and unsure what to believe.
At times, parenting feels relentless. Little children can push us to the limit with their negotiating tactics: supermarket meltdowns, rigid-body car seat refusal, bed exiting, spitting out the casserole... They need us for every waking moment, including plenty when we'd otherwise be asleep! So at times, it's crucial to cut ourselves some slack, whether that means hitting 'I am still watching' on Netflix, or feeding them sausages for 4 days straight.
In all their negotiating, though, I'm convinced that we have opportunities to show them that the boundaries they're pushing are safe. And what's more, the boundary-maker is reliable.
There are scenarios when to decline a toddler's demands will trigger a meltdown that you could do without. It's easier to pretend that you've run out of biscuits or pennies, than have him know you're withholding what he wants. It seems gentler to get her distracted and make your exit from the nursery than have her peeled off you in hysterics. But despite the appeal of easing the immediate upset, I'd rather be a source of irritation than deception.
This is no emotive exaggeration. These things don't seem trivial to a tot! Besides, habits die hard, and as my kids grow older, I want to be able to look them in the eye and assure them that I will always deal truthfully with them.
When something worries him at bedtime, not only can he trust my reassuring words, he can be certain that I am just downstairs--because he has no concept of me sneaking off. When the toddler tizzies are long gone, and he comes home asking about something, if my answer contradicts what he has heard, he knows for sure that I'm sincere.
I've no doubt they'll push against me and us repeatedly, and with much bigger things over the coming years. But I'm confident that even if our teenagers consider me stupid, they won't think I'm lying. The assurance of their parents' honesty will be a foundation they can fall back on, and even test other things against.
Sometimes this means admitting I messed up. But though they see my weakness and lack of knowledge, they won't expose untruth. As Christian parents, and leaders, actually, our responsibility is not to model ultra strength, but utter dependence on God.⬦
At times, parenting feels relentless. Little children can push us to the limit with their negotiating tactics: supermarket meltdowns, rigid-body car seat refusal, bed exiting, spitting out the casserole... They need us for every waking moment, including plenty when we'd otherwise be asleep! So at times, it's crucial to cut ourselves some slack, whether that means hitting 'I am still watching' on Netflix, or feeding them sausages for 4 days straight.
In all their negotiating, though, I'm convinced that we have opportunities to show them that the boundaries they're pushing are safe. And what's more, the boundary-maker is reliable.
There are scenarios when to decline a toddler's demands will trigger a meltdown that you could do without. It's easier to pretend that you've run out of biscuits or pennies, than have him know you're withholding what he wants. It seems gentler to get her distracted and make your exit from the nursery than have her peeled off you in hysterics. But despite the appeal of easing the immediate upset, I'd rather be a source of irritation than deception.
This is no emotive exaggeration. These things don't seem trivial to a tot! Besides, habits die hard, and as my kids grow older, I want to be able to look them in the eye and assure them that I will always deal truthfully with them.
When something worries him at bedtime, not only can he trust my reassuring words, he can be certain that I am just downstairs--because he has no concept of me sneaking off. When the toddler tizzies are long gone, and he comes home asking about something, if my answer contradicts what he has heard, he knows for sure that I'm sincere.
I've no doubt they'll push against me and us repeatedly, and with much bigger things over the coming years. But I'm confident that even if our teenagers consider me stupid, they won't think I'm lying. The assurance of their parents' honesty will be a foundation they can fall back on, and even test other things against.
Sometimes this means admitting I messed up. But though they see my weakness and lack of knowledge, they won't expose untruth. As Christian parents, and leaders, actually, our responsibility is not to model ultra strength, but utter dependence on God.⬦
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Amazing Grace how sweet the sound, that saved a wretch like you and me! Once you were lost, but now you're found,
ReplyDeleteWere blind, but now you see. Oh! Hallelujah to Our Lord Jesus Christ 😍🤗🙏🤩🙌🙌🙌❤❤❤